S2 E9: The Truth About Support on a Weight Loss Journey – Friends, Change & What People Don’t Say (with Emma Cottey & Rue Ndabaline)

Support on a weight loss journey isn’t always what you expect.

In this episode of This Is My Journey, Marc McKee sits down with friends Emma Cottey (@EmmasHealthMission)and Rue Ndabaline (@JourneyWithRue) for a raw and honest conversation about transformation, friendship, and what really happens when your life starts to change.

After losing 126lbs (9 stone), Marc reflects on the role that support, or lack of it, can play in a journey like this, while Emma and Rue share their perspective on what they saw, what they felt, and what was happening behind the scenes.

This episode is about more than weight loss. It’s about relationships, identity, and how your connections with people can shift as you grow.

Topics discussed include:

• The lowest points before starting a journey
• Struggles people don’t always talk about
• How others see your transformation
• Changes in friendships during weight loss
• What real support actually looks like
• The difference between giving and receiving support
• Growth, reflection and what still feels unfinished

Follow Emma and Rue:

Instagram/TikTok: @EmmasHealthMission
Instagram/TikTok: @JourneyWithRue

🔗 Connect with Marc

📲 TikTok: @my.journey.with.marc | @my.skinjourney.with.marc
📸 Instagram: @my.journey.with.marc

📺 YouTube: @myjourneywithmarc
🎧 Podcast IG: @this.is.my.journey.podcast

🎧 New episodes every Tuesday at 6am.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Support can make or break your journey because when you're going through a transformation, whether that's weight loss, health, or just trying to better yourself, it's not just about what you're doing, it's about who's around you, why you're doing it. You know, the people that support you, the people who don't understand you, and the people who maybe change how they treat you as you change. And in today's episode, I'm doing something a little bit different. My friends are coming over from England to Northern Ireland, and I'm sitting down with them to have a real, honest conversation about our journeys and the role that our friends, family, and support systems play in whether we succeed or struggle on this journey, because this isn't just about weight loss, it's about relationships, identity, and how your life shifts when you start changing. So let's roll the intro and I'll introduce you to today's episode. Welcome to This Is My Journey, the podcast where real people share real stories of transformation, resilience, and growth. I'm Mark, and after navigating my own path through major lifestyle change, I created this space to open up honest conversations around identity, mindset, and what it really takes to evolve. So along the way, we'll also hear from professionals, you know, from pharmacists to psychologists and fitness experts who help us make sense of the science and support behind these journeys. So whether you're just starting out, deep in the process, or you're finding your footing after big change, you're not alone. This is your place. This is my journey. Let's walk it together. Welcome back to This Is My Journey. I am so delighted. I have had a full weekend with my lovely friends from social media and TikTok and Instagram, Rue and Emma. And we've known each other now for a little just over a year, and it's been a blossoming friendship through that whole time. And yeah, I think I'm so excited to do this conversation. We really are just planned to do this for a long time, and I think it's something that is really needed, and hopefully everybody will want to listen to and us talking about how support has been such a massive part of our journeys and the support of your friends, the support of your family, all that lovely stuff. So thank you so much for doing the podcast with me, ladies.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

You're absolutely welcome and welcome.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

So I have a load of questions and I've thought about them, and I was thinking we could take a few of them each and we'll just ask each other and just you know, just let people, I suppose, see how much I think the support of friendship and family support is a real critical part of this journey and it has been for me. So yeah, I think probably take us all back to what was well I'll start. What was the lowest point before starting my journey that kind of led to me starting? And it was obviously the doctor telling me I wasn't going to make it to 40 potentially if I continued on the route that I was on. So yeah, that was that was my big turning point. What was your throat?

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Um, I think for me there was almost like two lowest points really. I think one of them I've spoken about before, one being, you know, where I actually passed out at work and then, you know, work having to call paramedics for me. Like my blood pressure was. I think one of the paramedics said that was blood pressure for somebody who was literally gonna pass away. And, you know, at that time I just thought, ah, it's just words like, you know, I'll be fine, I'll do something, but then I didn't do anything about it, you know. It's almost like it fell on deaf ears. And then a few months as that after that at home, it was well after midnight, I think, and just went downstairs and I collapsed. And I think Tia must have had me falling. And I was alert, but not really alert. And you know, I I passed out in a way and she had then had to call 999 for me. So I think hearing at that time she was just a little over 11. I think hearing her, you know, saying my name, our home address, and saying she's not you know, all those things for a child, I was like, no, that's not gonna do. You know, that really scared me. The thought of leaving her, I suppose, on her own, that scared me. And I think a few weeks after that I went to my GP and then, you know, they advised me what to do. And here we are.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

Oh, your guys' stories are so deep, and mine starts at Peppa Pig World's. So my my lowest point was on a family trip. So I have two young daughters, and one of them wanted to go on a roller coaster just out of Peppa Pig Worlds. So I took her on that, and I had been quite anxious, thinking, like, oh, am I gonna be okay getting in this ride? And my husband had been on it, and he was like, Don't worry, it's massive. The seats are huge, you'll be absolutely fine. So I went on there, and guess what? I was really struggling to get into the seat. Um, there were two members of staff that were shoving this seat closed, and they just managed to click it closed. But as you can imagine, then I was really panicking all the way around the ride, and all I could think of on this ride was, oh my goodness, my daughter is five. I would have had to explain to my five-year-old daughter that we couldn't go on this ride. She wasn't, wouldn't understand, and then she would have missed out on this nice experience just because of me and various choices that I've made. So yeah, didn't enjoy the ride. And I remember getting up, and in my haste to get out of the seat, I ended up really hurting my knee, like I bashed my knee. And then for the next few days, or like every time I looked down, I got a big bruise on my knee. I just thought it just reminded me back. But in a way, I'm really glad that that was there because it meant that that feeling then carried on until I got home and I thought, right, this is something that I need to change for my children and for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

No, they are so personal stories and so different too. Like, you know, yours is really, you know, they're both emotional, but you know, obviously Amon's personality is coming out there, you know, the the the comedy queen, but but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

So I'm gonna ask both of you this question. Like, what's something that you've struggled with that you never actually told anyone at the time?

SPEAKER_00 5:59

I think for me, the biggest struggle was just trying to understand and navigate the world of Bunjaro at a time when it was very new and the research element and trying to find the right, I suppose, maybe starting and trying to work out where was the legitimate place to start and and all that kind of thing. But I think once I kind of got into the swing of things and and, you know, had done that research, because that's such a key part of being on this journey and and starting, I think that was really, you know, that set me up for success in a way. And I think there's so many people that maybe just wing it and start and don't actually do that research. And the research can really help you in the results that you are wanting to achieve and and all that. So yeah, what about you, Yama?

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Probably the stigma and dare I say it, the shame of, oh my goodness, I cannot believe it has come to a point where I need to inject myself as part of my health journey, which now feels like second nature. I'm always forgetting because it's just that much um ingrained into my weekly routine. But at the time I didn't know a single person on it. I mean, we're going back to spring 2024. I don't think it's been out very long. And I had nobody to ask. I had nobody to get any guidance from other than, you know, things that I could find on the internet. And so it just felt so extreme. Even when it started to work, I just remember thinking like like being really self-conscious, you know, if I was to ever explain myself and almost a bit like when I would talk about, you know, how I was doing my health journey, almost a bit like defensive before I even began. So yeah, I definitely struggle with that. And that and I'm glad that that that I'm past that now, but I it was such a huge thing at the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Yeah. Um, I think for me, it was, I think I felt like a failure. And the reason why I'm saying that is because I had tried so many things before. And even actually being on on the weighting uh what on the NHS uh like weight loss program, a different one for about over two years, and because I was just not moving, like nothing was happening. And whenever I went for these like weekly meetings and four weekly checkups, you know, it would be a case of what what what have you written, where are you, what are you doing? And it was just almost felt like all the time when I went there, I felt like I'd failed and I'd done that for over two years. And you know, when I then found this, I was like, is it gonna work? Because it felt like I'd done that whole stretch with no results. And it felt like each time I spoke to, you know, at the time my GP or the nutritionist, their words towards me felt like I was doing something wrong. And then I think this is why when I started MJ, it was like it was here in my mind, am I gonna fail? Am I gonna fail? So that thing of being a failure has always been one of the things I've really like I think it's hurting me more than I could say, you know. And it's only saying it now with you guys. I'm like, you know what? I'm even thinking like I'm getting quite emotional, like failing is something that I've always been scared of. But I'd I'm here now, so I'm here now.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Well, you didn't fail.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

Okay, let's go on to the next question then. So next one and this one is all about me. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Okay, as always.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

So have you noticed any changes in me, you know, in the time that we've been friends that maybe I might not have even realized myself.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Definitely 100%, 100% your confidence from the start. Like I remember doing videos together at the very, very start, last January, and just your confidence, if you look back to them videos to now, is just booming and not in a bad way, and a really lovely, like just you're just so much happier in yourself, and then you just ooze that from your personality, even in your dress sense and everything, and and how you're you know, dressing your body and all you just you're just oozing that lovely confidence that's so nice to see.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Ah, girl. Wow. I I hate to say it that way because tell you know, I know it's not like your natural thing to be sexy and sassy. Oh but girl, you've got it on, honey. I'm telling you. I have sentiments, Emma, you know, and it's so nice to see you utilizing your beautiful curves. And it's right, girls, we have to show that off. So it's nice to say that for you, Emma, and please keep doing, keep showing it off.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

Oh, thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

I should open this up though to to you guys as well. Not I mean it's life to shock about me, but for me, I think one of the biggest changes that I've noticed within myself is I'm no longer in my own shadow. And that for me is a big thing is you know, a girl in power, I always want as a woman for you not to be behind someone else. Not in a bad way, it's just I think for the longest time being overweight. You know, I was hiding behind smiles, hiding behind the jokes, and you know, always being the one like a party who's I would rather be the busy one and not want to photograph. I don't know how it could be all around, but it's like, yeah, I'm not being any shout to honey. I'm out. I'm out.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

It's funny you say that because that's one thing that I've noticed about you. I think that you come across like so much like calmer, more serene. Obviously, still with the ruse a st it has, you know, that's just in great, isn't it? But to me, you just seem more at peace with you. Thank you. Oh my god, that's beautiful, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yeah, no, that's that's that's lovely. I think like definitely, probably for me, it's probably confidence as well. I think I would have been a confident person before, or faked confidence is probably the the right way to say it. But yeah, like just I yeah, I definitely think like never would I have ever thought I would have done like the social media thing and documenting my journey online and all because I never felt that confident that I wanted to publicly do stuff like that. I always wanted to, I think, just from because obviously, you know, when it's your career and stuff and all that and you're working on it. But anyway, you don't really think like, oh, why would people be interested? But actually, and I think it's probably one of my most proudest moments because you know, it's slightly off topic or off question, but I think it's you know being able to channel that confidence into doing, you know, content and stuff that actually helps people. And you know, that's why that's why we all still do what we do, because we all do that that content, and I think it's so it's so I think it's so important to keep doing it because actually when you see how many people that it's actually helping, I think it's really it's heartwarming for us as people and heartwarming for me, but also, you know, there's so many people's lives are being changed just because they can relate to your experiences and and stuff like that. So eternally grateful for being able to build that confidence and and you know, just from sharing my story, and I think that's yeah, that's the probably the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

One thing that I've noticed with you, Mark, is that you have it's like some in the last six months or so I've noticed like your almost goofy side coming out, that sense of fun. And I wonder if maybe before we could be a bit self-conscious, not wanting to look silly, and of course you don't look silly in any in any of our videos, but you know, like I've noticed like sometimes like maybe you are able to like poke a bit of fun and uh just let that fun side out. And I suppose it's a little bit easier when you're feeling a bit more confident in yourself.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

No, definitely. I think yeah, it's just yeah, it's just about feeling more confident in your body, and and I think that's the key to all that. So, yeah, what does for you both I'll not answer this one, I'll leave it to you. Yes. What does support actually look like to you? And did you feel like you got it or you didn't get it? And I'm not just talking about from a provider point of view, I'm talking about family, friends, you know, how you know, did you get that support from them types of people? You know, because you do hear so many people that are secret jabbers and don't want to tell their partners or, you know, family members that they're they're on this medication. And for me, you know, I don't think there's any shame in it, but you know, for a lot of people there is shame in it, and what's your kind of take on it?

SPEAKER_01 13:43

I think for me it goes it it goes in like it's linked to two things, like okay, support being one and the other one is acceptance. I think the minute I accepted that I needed help in a way, and I always say this, understanding my why, that then literally stared me on. I've been, I would say probably 90% I've had support from family because I think having lost my parents and both, you know, linked to um health reasons, to be honest, uh it was one of those things that I knew I had to do anyway. So even like with my sisters, my my my whole family, you know, and the closest friends that I have, they have supported me. But then it's always been that 10% of, I'll say, sorry, the negative nettlies. And it's like but I think on that part it's probably lack of understanding from people. And yes, maybe behind closed doors, it's true. Like sometimes I question myself as I'm like, is that how they see me? Is that how that person sees me? Like it's a shortcut and I'm wasting time, all those things. But then I quickly come to the realization as to why am I doing this? So I think I have been lucky that I've had support. But I think because I'm such a stab on person with myself, I ain't gonna allow myself to listen.

unknown 14:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Because I know who I am and I know why I'm doing this. So really, for me, it's been it's been positive in a way. And I know that there's been people, like I said, that I know as lucky as I am, but so I'm grateful. So if there's anyone out there who feels like you know there's no support, just understand your why. You understand your why, nothing else would matter. It's that simple.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

I think for me, one thing that's interesting is that I so I received a lot of support, like an overwhelming amount of support. And all of those things that I was talking about earlier that I was thinking in my head about the shame and the guilt and do I need to go this far. Nobody in of none of my close family or friends have ever kind of suggested that or made me feel that way. It was all internal to me. And I didn't tell anybody for a couple of months other than my husband. And I think because I was worried that that maybe they would think that, but actually everybody has been fantastic. So it just says to me that it was all inside and that actually I suppose people love me and care for me and want me to be healthy. So they they want that, however, I do that. And I know that there are now other family and friends that are on the same journey themselves, and part of that will be from seeing what's how how what how I've done it, which is obviously lovely. But yeah, it just it's just interesting the contrast of how I felt inside. I suppose we are all our worst critic, aren't we? And actually everybody has been fab.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

I completely agree with everything that you sort of say there, because that's I that's exactly how my experience has been as well with with acceptance, and you know, for you guys too, like the support from the community, the support from the friends and family, you know, we've made online because that's why we have continued to do what we've done, has been because of, you know, the friendships we've formed, the friendships online that we formed, and there's such a a great par in that. I think it's great, and obviously it's the reason we still do what we do. But yeah, I suppose to finish up before we we I know it's only gonna be a short one, but what now that we're in a different place? Obviously, we're all feeling sexy, feeling confident, feeling loving ourselves, loving our bodies. What are you most proud of and what still feels unfinished for you? And we're gonna start with Ru.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

I I am proud of staying the course. I am proud of saying, girl, you've got it. I am proud of saying, girl, this is your time. I am proud of saying girl, you're winning. I'm proud of girl, you are an absolute queen. You know, because it's not over yet, is it really? Because for me I still have quite, you know, a way to go. So yeah, I'm proud of that. I'm proud of the resilience in me. Thank God for for for being starborn because that's still helping me move forward, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Oh man, how do I follow on from that?

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Yeah, you go, I'm a queen.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

I'm a I I am queen of the universe. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

She talked out.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

So I suppose what am I proud? I am proud that I actually that I actually got to where I wanted to be because to my target as it is, because actually I've never done that in my whole life. I've never, there's always been something that's happened. And so it's been nearly two years now, and I have had things that's happened in my life. I've been on about 110 billion holidays, which would usually be when something that would throw me off. And I've always just come straight back, got back on with the good habits that I've already built, which is something that I've found near on impossible in the past. So I am actually, you know, proud that this time I've managed to stay focused and think about the bigger picture for long term as well. But for me, like the unfinished part is definitely my fitness journey. And obviously, you guys know that I spent a lot of time exercising. And I think in the past, in terms of exercise, I've always seen it as a means to an end. Right, I need to do A to get to B. But actually, I'm really enjoying, and that's part of it. If there's anybody out there that's struggling with exercise, it really is just about finding what you enjoy doing, what makes you think, oh, okay, I've got exercise later and I don't mind that I have that. I wouldn't go as far as to say that you're looking forward to it because that must be rare. But you know, and for me, it's this time it's like, right, how can I better myself? How can I better my fitness? How can I better my muscle mass, things like that? And that's something that I've never had. And for me, that's really exciting because it means that I've got something else uh to aim for. The journey is not over. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

It's not over until you see.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

What's the saying? It's not over until the fat lady sings, but yeah, I think for me, obviously prior to this moment definitely is getting to goal. I've never got to a goal in my life in terms of weight. But, you know, I think, and I'm so proud of that, I've been able to achieve that and reverse a lot of them medical issues that I had at the very, very start. And, you know, that's great. But I think, you know, for me, I think the journey definitely isn't and it will never be over because that journey of maintenance, I think, afterwards is so it's harder even than the the actual journey itself of getting to your goal because you know, naturally your your weight is gonna go up and down and and all that, but like you know, it's just about checking in with yourself and holding yourself accountable and something I never would have done in the past, and that's you know, kind of what you're saying there about the gym and stuff and things, you know. I definitely just continue to work on myself, and that is the goal. But yes, thank you so much guys for uh your you know lovely answers, and you know, I think it's been a pleasure and will continue to be a pleasure of having you as friends in my life. And yes, you are so supportive. And we met online, but we've now met in person multiple times, and yes, long may the friendship group. Absolutely, and we do call ourselves the barbers guys, just so anybody we're letting that outside the group chat. But yeah, the group chat is called the barbers for a reason that shall remain anonymous, but yes, so yes, thank you for watching. Friends, be called, yay.